And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
