he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
