Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This is classic penis vs brain.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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