even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
