i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There's even glitter on my cock...
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