I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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