Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
