If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
