The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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