I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
