She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
