I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
