What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you never un-have a 4some
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
