meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
