She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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