I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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