and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
