Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
