I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
