Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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