just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
