We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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