Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
