i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
