You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
