my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
