Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
