I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
