i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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