Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They took my balls.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
