i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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