why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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