My first STD was from a foam party
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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