THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
