We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
