not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
