I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
