the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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