Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
