Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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