is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
