i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
