girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
