3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
