He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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