Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
