You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
