so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
