Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
