We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
