Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
